Bingo

So it is Monday the first day of November, it is sunny and chilly, seems like a really nice day.  I have been working on my invoices and such all morning and trying to catch up on my to do list.  My mind feels like a bingo ball, turning and turning and all the numbers are spinning over each other, tumbling and turning.

I had to check to see if my Zumba aquatic class was on tonite, I had to check that the boss (husband) and I are up to date on the get healthy plan with health insurance, I had two calls from the DA's office in Monroe County this morning, calling to schedule a meeting here in Harrisburg to go over testimony.  So my head is rolling around and round where it stops is anyone's guess.  As long as I get it all done, and it is only Monday.

Zumba is on, can't wait to get in the water and stop all this nonsense.

Harrisburg Artisans.com

Just wanted to introduce you to my new website, HarrisburgArtisans.com. We have some interesting handmade items listed already as we launched in September 2010.  I just thought I would show you a new item that will be posted for sale by the weekend.
These adorable little bunnies are made of flannel, with child friendly flannel buttons and ribbon.  Just big enough to tuck under the blankets with your little one or sit on a shelf, warming up the space.
So who knew ....life could be so cute.
Visit us at HarrisburgArtisans.com and check out the beautiful exotic wood pieces we offer.

Is Summer over yet !!!

So I guess it has been a long time since I shared in this space.  How about this summer, is it hot enough for you?  I never thought I would say this because I am always cold in air conditioning lately, but I really could do with a shorter summer.  I can't wait until fall, with the sound of leaves dropping from their branches, and kids walking through gathered leaves on the sidewalk.  The smell of someone starting up their fireplace for the first time of the year, the sound of school buses dropping off happy laughter in the afternoon.  And who doesn't love the colors of the leaves, waving by the thousands as the fall breezes pass over us.  Yes I am ready for summer to be over how about you?

What if.

What if you were on the other side of what if, wishing and doubting decisions made.  There is no way to reconcile them, you just need to own them, or your life will be an eternal  revolving door of doubt. 

There is only one person we have to please in this life and he is very "forgiving". May God Bless you and keep you forever and ever.

Waiting

So Waiting is one of the hardest things that we go through.  We wait for things we don't want, we wait for things we want so badly that we drive ourselves crazy with anticipation.  This past month I was waiting for my 10th Grandchild to be born.  My daughter was overdue and in great discomfort, I was worried for her, she has gestational diabetes, she is 36 and it has been over 7 years since her first childbirth.  But worrying like waiting sometimes is something we do that we have no control over it or the situation.  So I relied on prayer.  This is something that I know is not wasted, and it is something that will give peace to everyone whether they know it or not.  I thank God for a healthy beautiful new grandson, and my daughter is doing just fine.  I feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I gave my worries to God.  I am thankful as always.......

Another Doll

Another Doll




Just finished another doll. This one is for my sister to give to a very dear friend of hers, that lost her mother to breast cancer as we did. I really enjoy creating these dolls no two are alike, I love designing the clothes and deciding how to make her clothes say something about her. I am working on my next doll, blonde and blue eyed, a larger doll.  Another Doll for breast cancer awareness.  I have other dolls and hooples on my Etsy site.  sudds49.etsy.com  take a look :)

The light at the end of the tunnel

So today I learned that I did not get the job I interviewed for, I feel a little disappointed, but really not so much.  The only thing is that I guess this was on my mind more than I thought, I really hate the unknown.
So I will move on.
So I finally today received the answer from the Landscaping committee that I was approved for the evergreens and trellis I want to put in my back patio area. 
So I will move on.
I can now concentrate on other projects I have unfinished, and move on.

If you want to see the
light at the end of the
tunnel, then sometimes
you have to stride down
there and light the

damn thing yourself.

(author unknown)

Growing up Gold

So when you get on with your life, and life happens as it will for all of us, riding that roller coaster of life.  We sometimes forget to look back and remember all the golden years of our youth.  Remember family picnics, the first day of school, new shoes and a new school bag.  Being old enough to walk to the bus stop by yourself.  Christmas morning when you still believed in Santa, (I still believe).  Watching as your siblings open their gifts you got them feeling like you knew just what they wanted.  Playing outside after the street lights came on.  Attending your first prom with someone you were in love with, even if it was puppy love.  Finally being old enough to go on a car date, and ride the back of a motorcycle.  I had such a wonderful childhood even into my teens.  I was not the best student, but I was very happy, I had lots of friends, and loved responsabilities.  Loved that people trusted me.  Getting my first job at the local supermarket finally a paycheck so I could buy things for my sister, parents and brothers.  The years we look back on are the Golden years, and I am thankful that they were mine.  So who knew life would be so special.

The Interview

So today I had an interview for a new job.  The job is right here in my bureau, someone retired and the job became available.  I was one of 4 candidates, not sure how I did, but everybody knows me, and I asume that they know what I am capable of.  I guess the question is do they want a 60 year old woman for this job. I will have to up date this blog when I get the news good or bad.  Either way I will be fine, I really love my job and my supervisor is the nicest young man, I just think I need a new challenge to keep me motivated.
Actually the best part of this job would be that I get to stay here with everyone I already work with.  I will let you know.....

So you think that you want to know something and when you get your answer you feel like your expectations of this were, well I don't know, what was I expecting?  I guess this feeling is my disapointment to some extent. I realize that some 44 years ago I didn't have a clue who I was never mind who anyone else was or would be some day.  It also makes you realize that in reality you were not remembering your true feelings from so many years ago, and the feelings that you have now are opening up memories. Honestly this whole experience has made me sad.  Life has a way of putting itself in perspective. So who knew.........

Regrets

So when my parents died 10 years apart, as their daughter I could say they had no regrets, they lived a good life.  Of course knowing that there were rough times for them through the years raising 4 children, money was tight, Dad was not always happy with his job.  But from my perspective, they were living a wonderful life.  They loved each other and their family, they knew how to have fun, and how to enjoy being quiet together. I am at peace with this, they had no regrets that we were ever told.
On the other hand, I wish I could say the same, life has been hard, also happy at times and I love my husband and children, and through the years you are more than happy to put your needs aside, put your feelings deep inside hoping they will never rise to the top. But I am sure now that that is a big mistake, you should always address your feelings and the things you need and want because if you don't you are just piling up the regrets, and after years pass those regrets get very heavy. It becomes something that you have to work on all the time, something that consumes you at times.  So if I could give advice that I was sure would be taken, I would say, pay attention to your regrets as soon as you feel them, or don't allow them to happen.  You are the only one that knows your true feelings, honor them. I will from now on.

It is almost the end of March, spring is here although in it's early stages, today, rain and wind, better than snow and ice.  watching the evergreens  blow in the wind like they were dancing, swaying back and forth, I almost wish there was music playing for them.

Easter around the corner, then next week a baby shower in Virginia.  Erin is having a boy, something tells me that this baby will have the power to reunite a family having a difficult time finding a direction, another one of Gods great miracles . 

I am so greatful for healthy grandchildren, so many others can not say as much. My prayers are for them.

So this was a quiet, grounding moment for me, I hope you don't find it any other way.

I posted on facebook today a reply to an old classmate, he was saying how there wasn't much good to say about the contestants on American Idol last nite, I agreed, I also said that I thought that the judges were getting as sick of the show as many of us are. Then as I was posting my comment I looked at his picture, he has his high school picture on his profile, and I added " Joe you look so cute in your yearbook pic." I would have never said that to him way back in the day. I guess courage comes with age. Feeling good today :)

So here it is March 18th, had a wonderful surprise on Friday, My sister flew here from her home in Maine for a surprise visit. We had a great time, lunch, dinner, shopping, visiting, movies and just relaxing.

You know you are beyond close with someone when you enjoy the silence between you, even the quiet times were cherished because I had my sister near.

I can't thank Peggy enough for always being there for me, and I will return the devotion. Love you Peg.

Kathleen Lynch If your Dad is your HERO, whether you are blessed to have him with you,or he has passed on, copy and paste this in your status & write his name *** George James Winters. United States Navy, World War II.*** He is gone but will always be my HERO. He taught me so much about going on when you don't want to. Miss you Daddy.

This is a post from my facebook page, My dads birthday is coming up he would have been turning 86. He lived a good life, one to be proud of, he was a good son, a devoted husband and father, he was a trusted friend to many, he kept his emotions close to his heart, so when he said he loved you he really meant it. My mom was the most amazing woman, she too was a devoted wife and friend, and she was such a fair person, never favoring one child over the other. She once told me that you need to keep your marriage relationship going, make your husband your priority because he is the one that will be with you after all the kids move on with their lives. She was right and I have taken her advice to heart. My mom's birthday just passed she would have been 87. I can honestly say that these two people lived an honest life with great love for one another and their family. They lived and died with no regrets. I know that they are sitting at a table in heaven having a beer and smoking , listening to Peg of my heart playing on the record player. Miss you Mom and Dad.

Today I am thankful, that friends know they can tell me their worries and feel better. I am thankful that I finished and delivered a breast cancer doll that I made for a co-workers wife who is in remission. I am thankful that another c0-worker shared his joy with me that on Friday he and his wife go to closing on their first house. I am thankful to God that he made me the kind of person that enjoys people and that I try to find good in everyone. This is a good feeling and I am going to savor it.

Reflexion, somehow this word brings butterflies to my heart. It reminds me of things past, some things I would rather forget, some things that I hide from my heart even though that is very hard to do. But today reflexion to me is that this has been a very hard and emotional year, a year today I say is because a year ago today I lost a very special friend, a brother-in-law, a brother. Healing takes a very long time, and today my heart is very heavy with sadness for the loss of someone that meant so much to so many people. We miss you Joseph.

So today I stayed home from work, the weather was really bad and I had nothing urgent on my desk so I stayed home. I was thinking today that even though we love people, family friends etc, and they rely on us for things, as we rely on them, the truth is that we are really alone. Our safe place is with ourselves, I am alone with God, he is who I ultimately am one with. All the things, good and bad and believe me I have seen plenty of both, are what shapes us, what gives us our opinions and helps us make decisions. Even a horrible event will effect us in a good way, as long as we are willing to be open to change and learning from our mistakes and others. So we must continue to love and care for others, and let them love and care for us, as this will add up being who we are in our hearts and souls.

So here I am at work, a Wed. tonite is weight in, I hope I did well. I stopped and put gas in my car, something I only started doing in the last 6 months. I used to be very spoiled, my husband always cleaned and gassed up my car every Sunday. He still cleans it but out of necessity I have learned to put the gas in by myself. I think that the whole debit card thing helps me because I wouldn't want to have to go in and pay first, so doing all the work at the pump is easy, I don't know what I was afraid of, just another thing I have overcome in my sheltered life.

epiphany, that is such a funny word, I never thought much of it, never really thought about what it means, until I had one. One nite at work in the poconos, I was walking down the hall to get a cup of coffee. I felt an awareness of myself, I felt confident, stood tall, I was fearless and self assured. I realized that when I walk alone I walk and feel so much different than when I walk with my husband, when walking with him I instinctively feel shorter, less important, not sure of myself, not sure how this happened, I guess it has to do with the whole subservient thing, but I am going to make a conscious effort to always walk like I walk alone, it really felt good to be aware of this.

So I bought the Susan Boyd CD, It was very nice, she is an inspiration for woman that have worked hard all their lives standing second to someone. In her case I imagine it was her mother, even though she sang to fulfill a dream and please her mother who has passed. I think that the reason she did not make this big step before is because she was in her mothers shadow. We don't always realize that we stand in a shadow of another until we are out of it. It is a hard place to be. Even when you do realize the shadow covers you, your ambitions, your thoughts, your freedom, it is a big move to walk out of that shadow. This from a shadow dweller.

Today is the 19th, I have been trying all week to reach the caseworker for Michael, she is out of the office, I have no other way of finding out how he is, if she even really knows. My heart has been aching with sadness for Michael. It is easy to say that he is better off where ever he is than with his parents, but I don't know that for sure. Then when I turn my phone on this morning there is a voice mail from John Jr. Why does a mother have this sixth sense, I would be very happy to be clueless, and un-caring, it wouldn't hurt so much.
We are going to have a happy evening, yesterday was my son-in-law's birthday, and Bridget is taking us all out to dinner at the Olive Garden. Scott is the most wonderful son-in-law anyone could ask for. This makes me happy, thank God for Bridget and Scott.

So we had Monday off the Presidents holiday, back yesterday to work and here I am again, but it is already Wed. To be exact Ash Wednesday. I don't think that I will get to church this year. Weight Watchers meeting tonite, missed last week because of the 18" of snow. So I am looking forward to see my results. I had a very nice weekend, watched movies had nice dinners, did a little shopping and worked on some projects at home. Today I feel like singing that song "is that all there is?" I feel so blah. I guess I am no different than anyone else, waiting for some sunshine and warm weather. Work is pretty quiet. I really have nothing else to add, except I hope this blah passes.

Valentines Day

well it is valentines day , this used to be my favorite holiday, I would love to invite a couple to dinner and go all out. I would make a special meal, cut hearts out of tomatoes for the salad, red jello hearts, red candles, decorate the table with hearts, have a nice bottle of wine, place cards, everything red I could find decorating the table and room. No kids around, they were restricted to the upstairs for the evening, we always had a wonderful time. I guess you would say that is when I was young, and that is true. I haven't done that dinner in some time, not that I think any less of valentines day, just that over the years life has a way of wearing you out. Taking the wind out of your sails. But I do wish everyone a happy valentines day. Last nite we watched two movies (one a romantic comedy) and this morning I got 2 dozen roses. Life is good. Love is good.

So I was driving to work this morning, cold air, sunlight, the crispness is refreshing, and I was thinking that being in my car is the place where I have the peace, quiet, and aloneness that I love. No radio, just me and my thoughts. I have cried many times in my car, trying to deal with what ever crisis, sadness, drama was happening in my life at the time. I even once recorded myself talking 30 minutes to work and 30 minutes home, I guess it was my self therapy. I will continue to love my time alone in my car, and love the silence, being able to hear myself, and being able to listen.

So we had a day off from work and a 2 hour delay for state workers because of the snow. I wish I could say that I accomplished some great amount of projects at home but that would be a big no. I spoke to my brother on skype and compared notes on the snow here and on Long Island. Spoke to my sister on skype but could not see her, her skype had been attacked by some avatar site and I was speaking to a talking dog, woof woof.
I showed my sister the missins I had made her, I promise to get them in the mail today. She said she loves all the things I make her and it made me think how much I appreciate her, she is everything to me, I feel very protective of her, and having her to make things for gives me such joy and fulfilment. And to have her love the things I make is icing on the cake. I love you Peg.

snow

So Much Snow

Good Morning, Feb 9th. We are expecting another snow storm this afternoon into tomorrow. We have had such mild winters since we moved here to Harrisburg, this is really different, like being back in the poconos. Today I have to mentally light a fire under my butt, I have so much to do, so many projects to finish. I am however doing very well on the WW . I am doing it for me, no one else just me. We babysitted for B last nite, those boys are so cute, but , yes I am getting old when changing diapers is a back killer. I am glad I am finally working hard to get healthier. Wish me luck on that fire bomb.

Feb 5, 2010, we are expecting a major (so they say) winter storm. I think we have the required bread and milk and plenty to keep us busy for the weekend. First on my agenda tomorrow is to sleep in. I had a really good week for my weight loss, let's pray that my optimism holds firm.
This is the time of year when everyone is waiting for spring, warm weather, fresh air, birds chirping and flowers blooming, I too wait for these things, but I enjoy this time of year when we can hibernate from view. When I can get hold of some sewing projects and enjoy them, not feeling guilty that I am sitting inside on a such a nice day. So after my sleeping in, I will tackle my weekend chores and sew without guilt.

Feb 3rd, saw the dermatologist this morning, only expected a check up after the skin cancer surgery. I had three biopsies. UGH. Nothing to worry about. We had some snow last nite. I am going to take advantage of this sick day, off from work and do some sewing, one of my passions. I only wish I could be hit with some inspiration for this next doll , sometimes it is like waiting for the birth of a child. I will be entering a new post tonite, because I have my first week weigh in at weight watchers and I have been feeling wonderful. Especially this morning, I did not feel like I was blowing out of my clothes, I am being realistic, I know I only lost a few pounds, but if that makes me feel this motivated, I am looking forward to this being the last time I lose this weight in my life. see you later.

So it is Feb 2nd, ground hog day, it is so cold here, I can feel the dampness in the air, they are predicting some snow for tonite.
Today is one day away from my first weigh in at weight watchers. I had a really good week and look forward to many more. I don't think I will be discouraged if I did not lose a lot of weight, a couple of pounds will be fine, because I feel so good. Why do we so easily forget how good it feels to take care of ourselves. We for get the devil is in the donuts and how short lived that enjoyment is. Wish me good luck, this is the last time I am going to lose this weight.

Ok So it is almost the end of the work day and the work week. I really don't have any plans for the weekend, I did want to sleep in tomorrow but forgot I have an 8:30 appointment. Maybe a nap in the afternoon. I do have to work on a new doll. Someone asked me to make a doll with a breast cancer theme, I know there are a lot of those dolls out there so I am trying to make mine special and it is just not coming to me. I have cleaning and organizing to do and I am tired of myself putting it off. So what is everyone else doing for the weekend? Besides staying warm.

Love my work, love where I do it, love who I do it with. Can't ask for more than that. See you again soon.

So today I start blogging, I have often wondered what I would say...I am a crafter, a wife, a mother, and grandmother. Working full time, loving my job, but long for the peaceful days when it will be all about me. Sound selfish, not really, I have worked hard raising children and grandchildren, I love them all but.....
When I craft no matter what it is, sewing, knitting, making soap, etc. it allows me to go to a place that is me, a quiet place where I can enjoy my thoughts. I know there are a lot of me's out there, and I know you know how I feel in that place. I have an Etsy shop, I have not sold anything on the shop, but I still enjoy making dolls and seeing them on the internet. Well I think that is all for now. Have a wonderful weekend all. Sudds49