I had my day in court

Today I had my day in court sort of, I found his working schedule and saw that she was working today, last nite her name came up and it just got me all worked up, I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping, being reminded of her each time I go in my bed, then I get nasty,( yes hard to believe I can get nasty) but I do, sometimes that helps me sleep.  Instead of going to work I stayed in my car watching and waiting, finally she arrived, I watched her park her vehicle one car from me and I grabbed my keys and got out, I confronted her and told her how much she and him had hurt me, I cried a little, she didn't even know who I was at first.  I got everything off my chest, even said some things about him that were not true just to make her question her "love"  I told her it is over, she is killing me, she ruined my life how dare she be in my home playing house with my husband.  I also told her that as angry as I am I would not involve her friends and husband via facebook. I am afraid he will beat her.  I told her if she was unhappy in her marriage she better get out now before there are children.  It's over, it's over.  I told him what I did and he was so sorry I was put in this position.  I am sorry for nothing.
So who knew..... that my day in court would feel so good, I thought I just wanted to see her, but I also wanted her to see me.

What Now?

So who knew it would only take almost 4 months to get back to where we started.  When all this happened my sister-in-law who I love dearly told me make him pay!!! she said you will have the power but it will only last for 6 months, well I think my personality over rode that time line, we are so into the same routine, me cooking, him on his computer, watching tv every nite.  Even though I suggest that we go to the lake and sit for a while or buy some wine and sit outside after dinner, none of these things happen. In the beginning when I came home he was so glad to have me there I really thought his "affair" was over, but as time went by the mushy kisses (that I had not received in years) were gone, reduced to the peck.  He makes a point of saying he loves me all the time, and I think he does, but what has always bothered me is in 4 months he has not been romantic at all.  I used to think that once he had the "taste" YUK!, of a 24 year old he didn't have any desire for me.  I think that will always be true, but the truth is after I get mad, I get even. and he won't like it .  I am willing to take some of the blame for things falling back into routine, I guess he wants me to be his old girl.  Well this old girl is not dumb or blind.  What Now?

Getting back to reality

Wow someone commented on my blog, that means someone is reading it, thank you whoever you are.
I am back home now and we are working on things, for the first couple of months back home I was like my own comedy team giving him the zingers one after the other, I think I needed that to get all the snide remarks that were pent up in my mind out. I did, and occasionally I still do.
I don't know if I have enough life left in me to begin trusting him totally again, time will tell.  I think that the only pressing thing for me now is I have to see her in person.  I know he does not want that but I am not asking his permission,  I think I just need to see her.
I watched the movie Descendants over the weekend, we both did, and to hear the character Matt (George Clooney) vent all his feelings when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him, validated all my feelings, and after we went to bed I asked my husband if he saw all the similarities with my feelings and he said he did.  There was a little bit of that shameful look on his face as he watched the movie but it was good.
Moving on is the right thing for who I am, I tried to picture myself living alone in some apartment but it did not feel right.  I am doing ok, better some days than others, in some ways it made me more comfortable with myself.

The definition of life is change.

Finding out that your husband is having an affair........Heartbreaking

Making a real mess of your finances for divorce........Crazy

Deciding to work things out........Scary

The look of shame on his face........PRICELESS

Oh what a difference a year can make!

What a difference a year can make in your life, today I am in the throws of an unbelievable life change.  Divorce.  So who would expect this at 62 years old, but I have been replaced by a much younger model.  Three weeks ago he was caught, couldn't deny it, he tried but the fact that he is in love, so he says in his declaration I found in his e-mail, he couldn't deny it for long, when I asked what were you thinking? he said he wasn't.   I guess that there are stages to go through, like in dealing with the death of a loved one.  this is much the same because it is the death of 41 years of marriage, good bad and ugly I stood by him, and  now I am nothing more than a bother to him someone screwing up his financial life.  Maybe that is all I ever was.  Well gotta go, time to go out and find me.

Bingo

So it is Monday the first day of November, it is sunny and chilly, seems like a really nice day.  I have been working on my invoices and such all morning and trying to catch up on my to do list.  My mind feels like a bingo ball, turning and turning and all the numbers are spinning over each other, tumbling and turning.

I had to check to see if my Zumba aquatic class was on tonite, I had to check that the boss (husband) and I are up to date on the get healthy plan with health insurance, I had two calls from the DA's office in Monroe County this morning, calling to schedule a meeting here in Harrisburg to go over testimony.  So my head is rolling around and round where it stops is anyone's guess.  As long as I get it all done, and it is only Monday.

Zumba is on, can't wait to get in the water and stop all this nonsense.

Harrisburg Artisans.com

Just wanted to introduce you to my new website, HarrisburgArtisans.com. We have some interesting handmade items listed already as we launched in September 2010.  I just thought I would show you a new item that will be posted for sale by the weekend.
These adorable little bunnies are made of flannel, with child friendly flannel buttons and ribbon.  Just big enough to tuck under the blankets with your little one or sit on a shelf, warming up the space.
So who knew ....life could be so cute.
Visit us at HarrisburgArtisans.com and check out the beautiful exotic wood pieces we offer.